Gatecrashing is an art or rather a scientific art. Scientific because there are rules for gatecrashing like in science and it’s an art because there is definitely a human element to it which one needs to perfect. Oh yes, I would know. I’ve done it a couple of times. A piece of cake actually if you go by the rules. I know I have this image of a very simple housewife and a blogger but I’ve had my bit of fun in life. And that’s what it was, pure fun.

About seven years ago when Manish was posted in Amritsar both of us were coming back from a party one night. We had had our food but had missed out on dessert somehow. While driving back home we saw this huge wedding and decided to gatecrash for ice creams. We parked our car, coolly walked in and without really looking around much headed straight to the dessert section. In five minutes flat we had finished three helpings of ice creams with jalebi and rasgollas. Job done. Turned around and walked out. We made a mistake though when we complemented one of the poor relatives (he looked so stressed out) standing at the gate on the arrangements made for the wedding. You should have seen his expression. The guy got so overwhelmed that he just wouldn’t leave us. We somehow managed to excuse ourselves and escaped.

The second time we actually pushed our luck too far. That’s because we were not dressed for a party. Just a month or so after the first episode we had gone shopping and it got late. While coming back while crossing a wedding Manish suggested we gatecrash. I was hesitant because we were not dressed up well enough but I still went along. This time it was for an entire meal which we had and were out in less than half an hour without anyone suspecting us despite both of us being dressed in jeans and T shirts.

And so I know what I’m talking about. And now for the rules, take a look.

1. Your confidence in yourself and what you are doing is the most important thing. That’s no brainer if you see.

2. Dress for the occasion. This is important though I know we flouted this rule the second time around but that’s because we were strong on the first rule, our confidence level. Bring it on, baby.

3. Weddings are the best for gatecrashing. That’s simply because no one knows every body else in a wedding. And so there is a lot of ’scope’ in such parties.

4. Memorize the names of bride and grooms. They are plastered everywhere. Memorize those names.

5. Make it quick. Have your bit of fun and food and out you go. Don’t try and build relationships while you are gatecrashing. Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn may have done it in Wedding Gatecrashers but guys, that was a movie. If you are looking for relationships you can’t be possibly gatecrashing into it. Be real. Be pragmatic.

6. Stay away from the most hassled or the most over dressed people at a wedding. Don’t worry, those guys and gals stand out like sore thumbs. Stay away from them. They are the close relatives.

7. Keep a story ready. In case you do get talking to someone don’t go beyond the arrangements. You can either criticize or applaud those arrangements depending on whom you are talking to. Beyond this in case you are pushed say something like- Meher is so lucky to have got Jasbir as her husband (in case the person whom you are talking to is related to Jasbir and vice versa otherwise). It’s so wonderful to know that our Meher is marrying into such a fine and well cultured family etc etc. That’s it. Don’t over do it. People are stupid. They suspect.

8. In case you indulge in drinks keep it in limits for obvious reasons. Dancing is okay but don’t dance too well otherwise you will be noticed.

10. Lastly, keep your car as near to the exit as possible, just in case you have to make a quick exit.

Well, those are the rules. Go ahead and have some harmless fun if you have the confidence required. But remember, it’s just for fun. Also, you might get to make some money afterwards by selling your story, like the Salahi couple who gatecrashed into Obama’s state dinner and are now asking for thousands of dollars for an interview, if the wedding happens to be of some celebrity like Shilpa Shetty, who got married recently. Imagine the kind of popularity you would’ve gained had you gatecrashed into their wedding. On second thoughts, I don’t think it would have been as easy even for MIchaele and Tariq Salahi. And by the way, in case you do sell your story that would be the last time you ever gatecrashed into any party. And if you guys do get caught don’t blame me. I’ve warned you to play by the rules. All the best!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted on November 30th, 2009 AUTHOR'S DIARY, Feelings, India calling, Track the world • Tags: dinner, gatecrash, Michaele, party, salahi, state, Tariq, wedding. • RSS 2.0 feed • Leave a response, or trackback